A Mother's Gift

Cyndi Martin with son Taylor

A MOTHER'S GIFTt
Cyndi Martin


The first “Angel’ growled at me.
The second one opened the door, and smiled.
Her name? Cyndi Martin.

Once I was in her home, that first “Angel,” – which
is the name of the Martin’s adorable but protective little
dog – completely changed. Angel’s demeanor seemed
to say, “I like you. I like you,” with each tail wag.

Thirteen years ago, Cyndi’s life halted – then turned.
It was a huge, unexpected U-turn. You may be following
her son Taylor’s story in the touching four-part series
by Chris Tobolski. Taylor has Neurofribromatosis (NF-2),
a rare genetic disease that creates a series of tiny tumors
that attach to the brain, the central nervous system and
the spinal cord. The disease took his hearing in November 2000.

Life isn’t easy on any mother these days, but God picked
Cyndi to be Taylor’s mom for at least two good reasons.
1. He knew she was strong enough.
2. He knew she wouldn’t let him down.

Cyndi wakes up each day, not knowing how her son will feel
or what will be asked of her. It’s a mother’s ultimate gift and sacrifice.

Cyndi said, “We’re all taxis anyway as mothers, but I’m tenfold that.”
Because it’s important to her that Taylor can be with people and
have a life, she’ll drive extra distances, bring a book and sit in the car.
“It’s so important to me that every single day he’s not forgotten,”
she said, – that he has friends and activities.”
The biggest part of the word mother is "other."

The first thing I saw upon driving up to Cyndi’s Forester Ranch
home was a big red heart on the walkway. Cyndi told me she
wears her heart on her sleeve, She expresses emotions as they
move through her. She said that has saved her.

“I will have days when I have meltdowns, usually because
Taylor is consistently in pain. I’m afraid to bother people
because everyone’s busy. For some reason a phone call will
come. I’ll burst out in tears and just let it all out. They’ll say
‘Cyndi. We want you to call us.’ And that helps.”

There’s no handbook for Cyndi. Perhaps she’ll write one.
Cyndi’s used to caring for children. She ran a day camp for
fourteen years in San Clemente, Cyndi’s Fun Club, but “retired”
to care for her own son. She used to take children to playgrounds
and parks, Now she takes Taylor for treatments and to watch
or particpate in his beloved sporting events.

Cyndi said that if she had a turning point in life, it was before
she had Taylor. It was when she learned about God. “It gave me
hope for what happened when Taylor was diagnosed and things
changed, I had to rely on my faith and look within. Taylor’s got
such a pure heart. He doesn’t see bad in anyone. He’s so much
of what I wish I’d been at his age.”

Cyndi wanted to have a big family. Taylor’s her only child. But
today, Cyndi has a very large “family”. There are many San
Clementians who hear of Taylor and offer help - a dinner or a
painting a mural on Taylor’s bedroom wall. “Our battle to keep
forging through is because of our faith, and this community.
I’m so grateful they love our son the way we do,” Cyndi said.

What does Taylor think of his mom?
“She taught me how to be a good person and how to treat others,”
he said. “My friends think she’s one of the coolest moms. I never
had a problem introducing her to my friends. I was always comfortable
with her. Some friends don’t want to have their moms or dads around.
But that was never the case for me.” I asked Taylor what he would
give his mother if he could give her anything? He said, “I would
give her something much more than a physical object.
The love and the satisfaction about the way she raised me.”

Cyndi gets help with Taylor from her husband, Peter. “It’s hard
for him too, “ Cyndi says, “but he’s the breadwinner. He goes
away Monday through Friday and though his job is stressful,
he’ll come home and see it, but he’s not in it all day long. Sometimes
we worry because Taylor protects us. When I say, ‘You don’t feel
good today’ and Taylor says ‘Yes’ but he’s pale and clearly in pain,
we tell him. ‘Don’t suffer because you’re worried about us. It’s our
job to take care of you and make sure you’re feeling ok. We can
handle it.’ Taylor’s so protective of our feelings. He’s beautiful,
sensitive and funny,” Cyndi said “We are very, very proud of him.
He’s definitely our hero.”

People tell Cyndi, “I don’t know how you do it. I could never
do what you’re doing.”
“Wallowing in circumstances isn’t going to change it,” she answers
point blank. “You might as well be positive. Just do the best you can.”

How do she hold on? Cyndi said she has a really strong network and
someone comes around at the right time, especially her friends,
Kathy and Sherry. “The minute they know I’m having one of those
weeks, even though I insist I’m fine, they knock on the door anyway.
They’ll say. ‘We know it’s been really rough for you today. We thought
we’d just bring you dinner for the family’ or they volunteer to watch
over Taylor so I can take a walk. I feel really blessed because I have
some friends who really get it and understand.”

Cyndi knows Taylor wants to decide how he wants to express his life,
and contribute to the human family. Perhaps that will be through
speaking and inspiring others with his story. Cyndi guides wherever
she can. It’s a beautiful example of the bond of mother and son.

Sometimes we get the reasons for the journey we take in life.
Cyndi got her reason. “I just realized that’s what my path is,” she said.
“ My path is to nurture Taylor.” Cyndi would like to help other moms
going through difficult times by starting a support group. “Even
if it’s two women meeting once a week to talk and they go home
feeling better, I’d feel really blessed.“ There’s a quote by an
unknown author, A sorrow shared is half a sorrow. A joy shared
is twice the joy. It could apply to Cyndi. “I’m hoping in my next
season of life, I can inspire and help others,” says Cyndi. “If I can
help anybody, I’d be honored. I’d be so happy.”

Every mother is a hero. Some are called to rise to great heroic acts,
to play the role intensely, to guide and sustain the lives of those
God entrusts them with. Cyndi is definitely one of those mothers.

No mother would ask for what Cyndi has to bear, yet when I asked
Cyndi, “What do you think God will say when you meet him face to
face?” Cyndi said, “I just picture him reaching out his arms and
saying, ‘Well done.’ He’ll say, especially to Taylor, “Well done, both of you.”

Live like a Hero,

Terri Marie
Award-Winning author of “Be The Hero of Your Own Game”
To see past articles on heroes, visit www.heroesamongus.blogspot.com

Lessons from Cyndi
From a life so very different than Cyndi imagined it would be,
Cyndi has learned these lessons.

Don’t focus on the things
“Focus on your friends, family and the people you have around you.
Embrace that every day. That’s what’s important to us. The
holidays just passed. People asked, “What do you want?
What do you need?’ Cyndi says, “We just want your time.”

Take care of yourself
As a constant caregiver, Cyndi says, “Make sure you etch out
time for yourself. If Taylor’s having a good day, he’s old enough
to be independent. He likes it when he has the house to himself.
I’ll go for a walk, or see a matinee with a friend. I have a very
supportive husband. If I need to get out, there’s never guilt.
He says, ‘Go. Go.’”

Don’t take life for granted
“Enjoy every moment. This has brought us to our knees.
It makes you humble and sympathetic to people around
you that are hurting. When Taylor was a child, I’d pass
someone in a wheelchair and sympathize. Now I go out of
my way to lend a touch, hug, or say hello. It changes everything.”

Look at the Big Picture
Cyndi used to hope for a cure for Taylor but now, “I think this is
God’s plan for Taylor.” She says people will tell her that just
talking to Taylor for 15 minutes will change their life, because
he loves life. It’s taken a long time to adapt and see the big
picture. “Taylor has this newfound maturity. He sees the
good in this. How else do you learn life lessons and learn
to be humble if you don’t have people like Taylor in front of
you to help you see that?”

Things can be different
Cyndi did not have a great beginning in life herself. “I had an
abusive childhood. I always wanted to be the mom I didn’t have.”
In the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun,” the heroine loses everything
she valued. But then, in the beautiful cycle of life, it comes back
together. Different, but even more rich and beautiful. Looking at
Cyndi, one would certainly have to admit, she has become,
the best of moms.

Expect Plan B-Z
Cyndi makes plans. If Taylor doesn’t feel well, they have to
cancel. He wanted to attend a 4-year college and be a
sports announcer. “He loves, eats, drinks and breathes sports,
since he was a little boy,” Cyndi says. After he went deaf he
didn’t think he could be sports announcer anymore, but
thought he might be a sportswriter. But lately Taylor has
been giving speeches locally. Cyndi says, “Taylor’ss decided
he wants to inspire people by sharing his story. I think he’s
going to be great at it. I’m excited to see how he’s going to help others.”

Inspiring people doesn’t take a degree
Because of his public speaking, Cyndi says, “We have renewed hope.
It’s awkward for him when people say, ‘What are you doing after
high school graduation?’ He’d just look at me like ‘What do I say
mom?’ Now he says. ‘I’m going to be a speaker. I’m going to
inspire people.’ Taylor was given Kyle Maynard’s book at Christmas.
Kyle is 20, which fascinates Taylor because he’s only two years older.
Kyle was born with stumps for arms and legs. He’s a professional
wrestler who finished college and wrote a biography. That book
inspired Taylor who said, ‘If Kyle can write a book about what he’s
overcome, so can I.’ It’s a blessing because it’s really enlightened
him. You don’t need a piece of paper to do something really important in life.”

(EXTRA TIPS – IF YOU HAVE ROOM FOR ANY MORE TIPS)
Be open to new treatments
Doctors said to try acupuncture. “We resisted it, saying we
don’t believe in that stuff. We got to a point with Taylor’s pain,
we couldn’t stand it anymore. We’d try anything. We thought ‘OK.
It can’t hurt him. It’s natural.’ We tried it. We saw results.
It seems to help.”

Don’t stop what works
After starting acupuncture, Taylor was doing well. Then he
got very busy. Cyndi didn’t have the heart to stop the activities
he loved to take him to his acupuncture, thinking because he
was doing great they didn’t need it anymore. “He went downhill.
Now we’ve been consistent for the last month. The last two
weeks, he has great days, every single day. Makes you stop and
think. When we stay on the path, he has better days.
When we slack off, he seems to go down even quicker.”

Open up, share grief
“Don’t be afraid to share your story,” says Cyndi.
“Lots of people hold it inside. It doesn’t help them.
Many people would be there for you, if you’d just let them in.”

Look for answers
Cyndi says, “Nobody knows the child better than the mother or
father. I’m constantly researching. If something within me felt
I wasn’t getting the answers I wanted, I’d probe and wouldn’t
back down. I don’t let the system intimidate me. I had some
people upset with me because I fought like a mother bear.”

Network
“I’ve accumulated a great network of friends. In spite of the
huge growth in San Clemente, there’s no other town around
here, where it’s still ‘small town.’ Everybody knows everybody.
They really rally when people are hurting. We’ve been the
recipients of that many times,” says Cyndi. “We’ve been blessed.”