Walking With Others Through Life

Carolyn McOwen


God signed her up. Gave her the call,
then gave her the skills and the courage
to follow it.

Carolyn McOwen loves what she calls,
God-incidences, “Where you’re in the
right place in the right time. You go ‘Wow!’
You could think they’re coincidental but it’s
a God thing. That’s what empowers me to do
more.” You may recognize the name McOwen.
Her husband Scott’s has an amazing ministry.
Together, I think they are making God very proud.

It’s a second career for Carolyn who’s been a PE
teacher and worked with Young Life. She hadn’t
taken a class for 30 years when she started seminary.
“God’s call was loud and clear,” she said. “I never
sought an ordained position.”
But Carolyn had signs.
Then a job fell into her lap.

She became Associate Pastor of Congregational Life
at Geneva Presbyterian Church. “I call it cradle to the grave,”
Carolyn says. She handles women’s ministries and
MOPS, Mothers of Pre-School - which started with two
mothers and now has over twenty. She coordinates retreats,
fellowship time between services, and empowers the laity
by helping people find their giftedness.
Carolyn is busy serving with passion.

“Here at Laguna Woods, we always have somebody
at Saddleback. The need is huge. Huge. It’s walking
people through their life,” Carolyn says. She doesn’t
have a table between her chairs and sofa. “It’s a
relationship ministry. I’m not bogged down with meetings.”

Carolyn thought it would be difficult going into a dying
person’s room. She found out that as a Christian she can
give hope. The hospital used to take her breath away.
“Now I can sit with someone who’s dying.
That’s not of me,” she said.

“For me the hardest part of my job is to be up front.
Nobody knows this. I’ve had to work and work at it.
But I think back, I was always coaching others to be
up there.” Carolyn’s choir director said, ‘Take a deep
breath. Remember. This is not about you.” “I thought,
‘You’re right.’ I’ll do my best. That’s all that can be
expected. The number one fear is public speaking.
The next is flying. I have both - neither of which I will
give into. I’ve been all over the world with that fear.
If God’s really in control, he knows the number of days
I’m going to be on this earth.”

In her work with young mothers, Carolyn says, “It’s a
different culture. They’re better moms in many respects.
But in many respects we were. They’re more intuitive
with their children and more intuitive to their own needs,
which sometimes makes them not so willing to give.
We gave everything. We worried what our kids watched on
television. They worry what their kids watch on computers.
Our kids didn’t need TV, but they’re going to need computers,
which needs a lot more monitoring.”

Carolyn teaches her grandchildren to try new things. “They
don’t have to be the best at it. There’s a difference between
being the best, and doing your best.
In our society we get those mixed up.”

“Our world is not spiritually oriented but who do they rely
on when trauma hits?’ “911 is an example and Katrina.
Outwardly you think it’s the physical care, but emotionally
it’s the spiritual care in times of big trouble.”

“God will make something good from everything we go
through. It can be horrible. You may never see the good.
It’s a wonderful thing if you do. Renee Bondi may not have
been able to touch as many people with her beautiful voice
if it wasn’t for her accident.” Renee is one of Carolyn’s
heroes because of how she’s handled a huge life change.
“I used to volunteer my time with Renee. I never went away
having a problem after I was with her,” said Carolyn. “I admire
people who have positive outlooks in the midst of tragedy,
take their eyes off themselves and stay focused on God.
Renee fits that. Lots of people get angry and try to blame
somebody instead of just saying, ‘Things happen.’
“I think when we get to heaven we’ll either go,
‘I understand’ or ‘Who cares?”

Carolyn has two more heroes, She said she could add
many more. “Ruth Kayser and John Shackleford, both
in their 80s. My heroes are people who persevered in their
Christian faith no matter what. They’ve gone through the
valleys, came out and said ‘Yes, God is with me.’ Those
are my heroes - those who plugged through life and brought
good into the world in their small way.”

She also works healing marriages. “In our society we’re
not geared to hold marriages together.” Carolyn started
a monthly article called “The Secret of Lasting Romance.”
From couples married over 50 years she’s gleaned the
twofold secret.
“Keep God the center of your marriage and keep dating.”
‘The most valuable thing you can do for your kids is stay
in love with your spouse. Be married to your best friend.
People think when you have kids you stop dating.
You still have to date.”

“The reason I agreed to be interviewed is that we focus
on the negative in the papers. It’s unbelievable. You can
get paranoid when you hear about all the negativity. I’ve
decided that 98% of the people out there are good, doing
wonderful things. We need to have our hope in that, not
in negativity. It’s the fear that is taking over.”

If Carolyn could tell people one thing, she’d give a message,
especially to women who often miss this piece. “That one
thing is:
Each of us is beloved by God, just as Jesus is beloved by God.
When they get it, their world open up. We don’t have to be
good enough, because we’re beloved by God, so he can use us.
When you grasp that ... you know. It’s not about us.
It’s about the message. God does not call the equipped.
He equips those he calls.”

Live like a hero!

Terri Marie

Award-winning author of “Be the Hero of Your Own Game”
For more hero stories go to www.heroesamongus.blogspot.com

Carolyn’s Special Tips to Parents

• Monitor the computer
“The computer has to be out in the open. I’d never let
them have a computer in their room.”

• Go back to the basics
“Be sure you have family dinners.
Take family vacations without friends.”

• Listen to teens
Carolyn worked with babies as a cuddler at the
hospital, youth soccer, and now the elderly.
She understands life cycles. What has she learned
from youth? “That we need ‘em. They deserve to
be accepted as a person.
They have a brain – let’s hear what’s in it.”

• Cut the TV time
“I limited my kids to an hour of TV a day. They
couldn’t accumulate the hour. If you didn’t use it,
you lost it baby! Of course we were very flexible
if there was a movie or special,” she said.

Carolyn’s Life Lessons

• No matter what your age, be willing to risk
People say to Carolyn, “I can’t do this. I’ve
never done it before.” She is proof that you can
start anytime, create a beautiful life and do plenty of good.

• Always be willing to learn
“Be coachable.”
From a former coach that is good advice.

• We don’t have all the answers
That’s what faith is for. “It’s not about us.”
Carolyn said. “We’re in big trouble when we
begin to think we have all the answers.
I’m not afraid to say ‘I don’t know.”

• It’s OK to be angry at God
“Just don’t turn your back on him,” Carolyn says.
You get angry with your parents, but you don’t
walk away from them. You get angry with your kids,
but you still love ‘em. Some of the authors of the
Psalms were angry and frustrated, but ultimately
they came to terms and peace with God. God
wants you to come to him in that anger instead
of turning your back on him.”

• Boldly pray
“I think you can boldly pray for God’s peace and
comfort. Don’t be timid about that. I’ve become
real bold at deathbeds. I did it a couple weeks ago.”
Carolyn went on hospital visitation rounds with a
woman she was training. “We weren’t there more
than one second when the caregiver came in, along
with the head of the hospice, so we immediately
knew the situation. When the nurse came in, I said,
‘Shall we pray?’ The nurse said ‘yes’. I could honestly
pray for God to take her. He’s calling her home.
We release her to him. You can see where it is
comforting for the person that is left behind.”

• It’s never too late
“One gal I was talking to said she didn’t like her job,
but then she’d have to go back to school. I said ‘Yes?’
She asked if I thought she was too old. I asked how
her old she was. She said ‘38.” Needless to say
Carolyn encouraged her to return to school! But she
needed to hear that from someone else.
Someone like Carolyn.

• Be prepared
Carolyn says that a chaplain at Saddleback was one
of the first chaplains to get over to Katrina. “Now,
she’s gathering local clergy in case of a disaster here –
to mobilize the spiritual care, because spiritual care
is what is needed.”